I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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