dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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