i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
