My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
