what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
