My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
