He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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