Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
