my mouth tastes like poor choices
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
