I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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