There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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