I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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