He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
