One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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