Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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