I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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