Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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