I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
