bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
