You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
