My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
