Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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