I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
