its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
