Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
