I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
