She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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