my phone needs a breathalizer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Randomize
