Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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