Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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