They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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