He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
