You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
