Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
