Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
