OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
