I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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