Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
