She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
