Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
