I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
