If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dicks are not precious.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
