I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
