he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
