Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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