...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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