I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
