hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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