So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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