He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
