If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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