...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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