Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
