No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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