i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
