Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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