Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
