a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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