Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
