his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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