My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
