So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
