Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
