he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
