True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How's work?
Spinning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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