Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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